Dear Cheerleaders

Amid a cheering crowd waving Syrian flags in a stunning show of creativity, Mr. Assad came to the Syrian ‘parliament’ to address the cheering nation.
Confident, confrontational, humorous and righteous, he made the speech no living creature on earth, Mars or Venus can ever forget:

Dear Cheerleaders,

I know, I know, you love me, you voted for me, remember? just let me talk please…

Syria Is a great nation, our values have greatly contributed to world’s well being, witness how we selflessly sacrificed ourselves and spent blood to help the thankless Lebanese. (Applause)

The whole world is conspiring against us, they discredit us with their media, their envoys misunderstand us, they portray us in a demonic light and they are jealous of us...

But that won’t stop us!

We shall fight till the bitter end and history will prove us right! (Applause)

We are not withdrawing our troops from Lebanon because the Lebanese people, America, Britain, France, Europe and the whole world are pressuring us every day to,

No, we are not! We are withdrawing because we wanted to withdraw since the beginning!
Let me explain our elaborate 5-part skillfully crafted foreign policy that the great nation of Syria produced, in a marvelous show of collaboration between its politicians, think tanks, NGOs and experts…

Before i finish, i have a lame joke to tell you (Sincere laughters from crowd), ok, now back to the speech,

Friends, Brothers, sisters, Syrians!

We are withdrawing from Lebanon although the Lebanese love us,
And they’ll love us even more now, God bless Syria!